whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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