You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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