3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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