He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
