I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
