This is not my ceiling
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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