Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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