he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize