Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
