so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
