She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
