I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
