Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
