haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
