My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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