***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
