The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
