i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
