He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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We have started to decorate penises.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
BRING THE BAGELS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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