i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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