She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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