i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
