I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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