my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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