Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
