I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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