Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
