The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
