I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
