Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
