her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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