Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
