i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize