We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
