I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
