woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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