we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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