I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
cat food counts as protein by the way
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
