I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
