Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
