I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
