Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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