genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
