I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
