Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this just has baby written all over it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
