I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
