I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
