Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
