I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
