You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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