I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
