why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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