People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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