If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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