i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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