Define "chronic" masturbator.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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