Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
