Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
