bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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