oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
