Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
