I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels