I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.