he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us