you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday