his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
