I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Okay so I just had a really great idea