Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops