Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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