did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
