Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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