if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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