he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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