she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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