I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
