sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
