He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
