i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize