you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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