she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize